You just made me feel so damn special
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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