my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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