i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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