Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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