I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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