youre lurking in front of me
Sponge bath it is.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
