I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
