she woke up with a sticky ear
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
