oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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