i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
