They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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