Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
