Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
