we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
