I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
