The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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