It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
