well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
