I think I am morally bankrupt
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
