Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
