I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
