Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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