i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
