So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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