I want to have your abortion
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
