Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
