the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
