I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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