My balls are so social today.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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