She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
