just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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