Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
