More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
