Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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