we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
