I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
