You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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