it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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