He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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