So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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