PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
