I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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