omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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