I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just forgot I was standing up.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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