Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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