We're facebook friends in real life
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
