i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
