I'm drive I can fine osifer
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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