He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
