The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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