I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
