I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
