ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
