you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
